Horchata
by reverse-swing
Summary: A wedding, some Horchata and a journey of sorts. Multi-parter, written in collaboration with NightsLightss
1. Chapter 1

_In December drinking Horchata_

 _Look down your glasses at that Aranciata_

 _With lips and teeth to ask how my day went_

 _Boots and fists to pound on the pavement_

 _Here comes the feeling you thought you'd forgotten_

 _Chairs to sit and sidewalks to walk on_

…

Alex Vause had never been in love.

Alex Vause had never planned to _fall_ in love.

And Alex Vause had _certainly_ never been one to do any sort of pining after a one night stand.

But there was a certain something about this girl she couldn't quite shake from her mind.

It started at a wedding. A weekend affair. Pete something-or-other from work. A close enough friend. Not close enough to have ever learned his last name, but close enough that Alex occasionally accompanied him and a few others out for drinks at the local bar after a tough week.

It was a fancy soiree. Something she'd never really have pictured Pete taking part in. Though if she's honest, this is where she begins to realize just how little she actually _knows_ about the man.

 _ **Fri through Sun**_

the invitation reads.

And she represses a tired eye roll. _What the hell_. She'd figured she could use a vacation of sorts. Rather than another weekend riding her couch and dodging calls from Nicky. The invitation states that the weekend has been paid for, all Alex had had to do is RSVP and buy the train ticket out of town.

Her gaze shifts from the invitation to the window beside her, and the slowly unfurling countryside as the train chugs tirelessly along.

She's not sure whether she's impressed or bemused by the whole thing. A grandiose affair supposedly orchestrated by the fiancé and her closest friends. The small resort they'd rented out boasts a litany of activities for both guests arriving throughout the weekend and those (such as Alex herself) who'd chosen to arrive early, but weren't expected for the pre-wedding preparations (rehearsals, dinners, Friday's final activities of _arrangement_ ).

The wedding itself wasn't until Saturday.

Checkout being Sunday afternoon.

She's reading the small itinerary she'd been handed upon check-in, lost in her thoughts of what exactly she'd gotten herself into, when she collides with something. Hard. The pamphlet slips from her hand, fluttering to the floor as the strap of her bag jerks from her shoulder to the crook of her elbow.

" _Oof_!"

" _Hey_!"

A hand shoots out to grasp her wrist as her own fingers curl around a foreign forearm, and she and the stranger steady themselves momentarily before meeting eyes. Blue. A blue so deep it's almost overwhelming for a moment as Alex briefly falters at the sight of the woman before her.

"Fuck! Shit. I'm sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going, my mind's all over the place today, are you okay?" The woman asks in a flurry of conjoined thoughts, and Alex's gaze trails from the shining blue of her eyes to the glowing gold of her hair, taking in the woman's features before clearing her throat.

"Yeah- no! _I'm_ sorry! I... wasn't exactly paying attention to where I was going either." A smile breaks out across the woman's face and Alex finds herself returning it with ease.

"Are you... here for the wedding?" She asks, slowly withdrawing her hands.

"Um... yeah! Yeah. I'm, um... work... with Pete," shifting the bag back to her shoulder with a laugh, she sticks her own hand out once more, "I'm Alex."

" _Piper_." The woman smiles, eyes sparkling as she regards Alex in a way that makes her stomach heat up. She takes her hand, "Friends with Polly. Maid of honor. Specifically."

"Ouch." Alex chuckles, "I totally understand the spaced out thing then."

"Yeah," Piper laughs, withdrawing her hand once more, "it's been a, uh... ride. Kinda glad it's almost over at this point."

"I don't blame you."

They stand like that for a moment, studying one another silently, lost in their thoughts and wondering what the other might be thinking before Piper shakes her head, re-gathering herself.

"I, um... I have to..." she trails off, gesturing over her shoulder.

"Right," Alex smiles warmly, "duty calls."

"Yes." She murmurs, hand lowering slowly, "it was nice meeting you... Alex."

"Nice meeting you too, Piper. I'm sure I'll see you around."

"Yeah," she murmurs thoughtfully, and Alex can practically see the gears turning within her head before she shakes herself clear once more and waves a small goodbye.

Not a terrible way to start the weekend. And Alex thinks this might not go as bad as she'd thought if the _rest_ of Polly's friends were _half_ as attractive as Piper. She spends the rest of the day reading beside the pool, and only _vaguely_ thinking about the way Piper's smile had lit up her whole face as her hand pulsed warmly within Alex's grip. Not a terrible start at all.

The ceremony, like everything else, is an extravagant production, and Alex catches up with several more coworkers during the day's festivities. It's nearing midnight, Saturday night, when the last of her colleagues begin retreating to their rooms and the after party of the reception slowly begins winding down. She's pleasantly buzzed, waving her final goodbyes before heading towards the bar for one last drink.

The bar tender's begun clearing up what he can when Alex asks him for whatever's non alcoholic and easiest, and she's sipping it silently when the presence of another body sidles up beside her and tiredly asks for the strongest he's got open. Her eyebrows furrow at the faint familiarity of the voice. She can't quite place it, and she turns her head slowly towards the sound.

Blonde hair.

Fingers tiredly tucking a loose tendril behind an ear, before dropping to the bar with a soft thump.

And then she's met with a pair of vibrant blue eyes.

"Hey!" Piper's face breaks into a tired smile as she comes to recognize the woman beside her, "Alex. Right?"

"Mhm," Alex hums, a smile of her own forming, "Piper."

"Yeah," her attention slides to the bar tender as she murmurs a quiet thanks for her drink, "What're you having?" She asks, gaze sliding back towards the drink in Alex's grip.

Eyeing the glass thoughtfully, Alex raises it with a grin, "Horchata. An attempt to sober up before heading off to bed."

"Mmm...not me. I need something _hard_."

"What're you drinking to?" Alex murmurs, sharing a quiet laugh as the girl raises her glass in contemplation.

"Mmm... to getting my life back."

They share a quiet laugh as Alex raises her own, poised to knock gently against Piper's as she says, "to surviving the most elaborate wedding I've ever been invited to. I am absolutely positive that planning this monster can _not_ have been easy."

Another quiet laugh tumbles from Piper's lips, mixing with the light tinkling of their glasses. And Alex can't quite tell if the growing warmth in her stomach is the lingering alcohol or something else. They fall into easy conversation, slowly pulling at the drinks before them, as if trying to prolong the night.

"So what're you gonna do now that you've got your life back?" Alex asks softly after a few moments of silence.

She can feel the heat of her blood flowing throughout her body as Piper fixes her with a gaze that causes her breath to catch.

And that warm feeling settles a little lower.

And she's pretty sure it's not alcohol anymore.

...

Alex's back connects roughly with the door to her room as Piper's hands work frantically over her. She's _everywhere_. And it's all Alex can do to stay afloat in this new sea of sensation. A cacophony of muffled sounds drifts up from between them. A moan. Piper. A grunt. Alex. A conjoined sigh, spilling from Piper's lungs and into Alex's then back again.

"God, I can't tell you when the last time I had sex was." Piper moans, "this fucking wedding has taken _everything_ from me."

Alex chuckles breathlessly against her lips, fingers tangling within what's left of Piper's once-pristine bun as she drags the woman against her desperately.

"I don't even know Pete's last name," she breathes as their lips part once more, "I just go out for drinks with him sometimes after work because he's one of the few people at the office who isn't _completely_ intolerable."

"I'm glad Polly's going on a three week honeymoon, because I'm honestly not sure how much longer I can go without murdering her if I don't get some goddamn time apart!" Piper pants, pulling back with a growl, "or this... goddamn... dress... _OFF_."

Their fingers bump and tangle in their conjoined efforts to rid the blonde of her dress. It's halfway up Piper's thighs when Alex loses interest, fisting the material tightly in each hand and _yanking_. A thick jagged _rip_ echoes through the room and they still momentarily at the sound: Alex awaiting the inevitable outburst, Piper attempting to catch up with recent events.

" _Oh my god_ ," She whispers before lunging after Alex's mouth with a different sort of growl.

The remains of the dress fall to floor between them as Alex begins angling them down the hallway, and Piper steps delicately out of the last of the clinging fabric and one step closer to the bedroom.

They make it as far as the couch.

And a voice in the back of Alex's mind tells her it's gonna be a good night.

...

She's only got a _mild_ hangover when she cracks an eye open some seven hours later. And contemplates falling back asleep for a moment before movement on the other side of the room catches her attention. A pleasant sort of burn ripples through her tired muscles and memories of the night before slowly begin flooding her mind. Shifting with a soft groan, face half buried in the pristine white of the hotel pillow, she allows her gaze to sweep the room in search of whatever sound had roused her from her sleep.

 _Piper_.

She's bent over, pulling on a shoe, and turns as she straightens, catching sight of Alex's quiet observation.

"Oh, hey, you're up." She grins. And Alex's hungover mind vaguely notes its brilliance could rival the radiance of the sun without causing the searing pain. "I was afraid I was gonna have to leave a note or something. I've never been a fan of leaving notes, but... I've never exactly been good at the whole slip-out-without-saying-goodbye thing either. It's made for a lot of awkward morning afters."

Chuckling tiredly (and wincing lightly), Alex turns, burying her face against the pillow before gathering the strength to push herself up.

"You need help finding anything?" She murmurs, pausing at the edge of the bed to pull a discarded t-shirt over her head.

"No, I think I've got everything for the most part," Piper murmurs, gathering the last of her things, as Alex pulls herself to her feet. "Oh, um...I borrowed one of your shirts. I hope you don't mind. You kind of... destroyed most of my dress. But I can get it back to you before you check out-"

"Don't worry about it," Alex yawns, heading for doorway towards the kitchen area and the small coffeemaker that lies within it, "just give it to Pete sometime. He'll get it back to me. Coffee?" She turns, facing the woman who's followed her into the kitchen, gathering the last of her discarded possessions and sorting herself with a sigh.

"Ugh," Piper groans, "I'd love to, but I actually need to get back to my room and make sure the sign-outs and all final issues are taken care of. Not _entirely_ free of the maid of honor duties just yet."

"Ah," Alex murmurs, pouring herself a mug, "well let me walk you out." A pause, a chuckle, as her gaze drifts to the door a few steps away, "so to speak."

"Well how chivalrous of you," Piper grins, turning to follow her across the room. "This was fun," she murmurs, as they halt in the doorway to the hall, "I _needed_ this."

"It was." Alex murmurs back, "glad I could help."

With a departing kiss upon her cheek, Piper pauses briefly, locking their gazes one final time before whispering a soft, " _bye_."

And Alex's own voice is a whisper as she breaths her quiet reply, " _bye_."

Her eyes follow Piper until she disappears from sight.

And as she's closing the door Alex quietly muses that Piper may have been the best sex she's had in a while.

…

She's toying with the idea of leaving, but the Churros are good and the rain seems as though it's getting just a little harder. So she stays put for now, kinda glad that she stumbled in to use the restroom and takes another sip of her drink.

"Phallic shaped donuts? What _would_ Freud say?" Piper turns on her bar stool, unable to quite place the delicious rasp.

Emerald eyes, long dark hair (slightly damp from rain).

"Alex?" she says, a little more animated than she intended.

"Well you remembered my name at least, so I guess that's something" she replies grinning. She shakes off her umbrella and perches on the stool next to Piper.

"Wow, it's been like, what? A month, since the wedding?" Piper continues, suddenly feeling a whole lot warmer.

Alex nods, "You recovered from your Maid of Honor duties yet?"

"Only just, I think mine and Polly's relationship couldn't have handled much more". She laughs and her eyes light up in a way that makes Alex grateful for whatever circumstance has drawn them both here tonight. "Oh…I've just realized, I totally forgot to return your shirt to Pete, I still have it back at my apartment. I'm so sorry"

Alex laughs "Don't worry about it kid, consider it a gift. So you meeting someone?" She's hoping that she's not the preamble to some sort of date.

"No, actually I just stopped by to use the rest room and the place was so cute and the weather was so shitty, that I thought I may as well stop for a little while".

"You?"

"I _was_ meeting a friend, but she literally cancelled on me a few minutes before I walked in here, something about a burst pipe" she says, waving a hand in the air dismissively, "so I figured i'd stop for a quick drink before heading all the way back home. What're you having?" she asks, pointing at Piper's glass.

A small, slightly embarrassed giggle escapes from Piper's lips.

"What?" Alex says, a little bemused.

"It's Horchata"

And now it's Alex's turn to laugh. "You trying to sober up?"

Piper laughs, "No, it's just that I've got work tomorrow and a super early meeting, so…."

"Taste good?"

Piper nods.

"You sure you're not up for something stronger, cos the Sangria here is pretty damn good, unless…well with it being a school night and all, you want to stick to pussy drinks…."

"Are you implying I'm square?" Piper replies, feigning hurt.

Alex raises an eyebrow, "well, your torn bridesmaid dress would suggest otherwise".

Piper immediately feels herself flush. "Well, that was more _you_ than me…" she says, dropping her gaze back to the plate of sugary Churros.

"Well I didn't hear you complaining at the time"

"No…no you didn't" Piper replies, memories of that night flooding her brain inconveniently. She flicks her gaze back to Alex's face, her eyes lingering over the slight sheen on her plump lips. "It was damn ugly anyway", she adds, as somewhat of an after thought.

"Oh I dunno, you managed to make it work, although I gotta admit, it looked a whole lot better on my hotel room floor."

And they hold each other's stare for a little while, recollecting the same thing; that they were barely able to make it to the couch, let alone the bed. So. Fucking. Good.

"So, Sangria?" Alex asks, eventually breaking the charged silence that has fallen around them.

"Why not" Piper replies smiling, because tomorrow is too far away to _seriously_ worry about and she honestly cannot think of a good reason to decline. But more than that, she finds her curiosity piqued, because she can't recall the last time that she had such an easy back and forth with a relative stranger and it feels good, nice even. So she leans back in her seat a little and feels her muscles begin to relax slightly, because her gut says, this could actually be a whole lot of fun.

…

They're two pitchers down and debating whether or not anyone can truthfully say they've read War and Peace from start to finish, when Piper realizes that three hours have passed by, but she's feeling pleasantly buzzed and she can't quite bring herself to point out that it's getting late and she _really_ does have an early start tomorrow. So they order more drinks, shots (Alex's suggestion) then another pitcher of Sangria (on Piper's insistence) and continue on until well past midnight, until most of the other patrons have begun to drift home and the lively buzz around them has been replaced by a lazy hum instead.

"You ever been to Spain?" Alex asks, shifting in her seat slightly, so her knee is now resting gently against Piper's and she swears she can feel Piper leaning into her touch a little and it causes something to swell within her.

She nods, "I went travelling for a year after I graduated from Smith"

"Smith?" Alex says, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh huh"

Alex traces the rim of the empty shot glass with her forefinger, deep in thought.

"Don't get all judgy on me now" Piper says lightly slapping Alex's thigh, but allowing her fingers to trail there, slightly longer than is necessary. Her touch causes another wave of warmth to rush through Alex and she's kind of enjoying the bittersweet pang in riding it out.

"I wasn't" she says, "I was just thinking, was all"

"About what?"

"Just that you're obviously bright as well as being funny….and sorta cute…"

"Mmmm….well, you're not _so_ bad yourself" she replies smiling, feeling a little braver, fuelled by the fiery heat of the copious amount of booze that is currently sitting in her stomach. "You go to college?" she asks, fishing a slice of apple out of her glass and popping it into her mouth.

Alex shakes her head, "I didn't agree with school and school didn't agree with me. We had a mutual understanding". She laughs, but Piper can't help but detect a little sadness in her eyes. "Besides, I reckon the best thing about college is the cyclical, haze of drunken sex and I didn't need to go to school to experience that" she grins.

"I'll bet" Piper says smiling. She takes another sip of drink, savoring it a little. "You ever been in love?" she asks, the words escaping her lips before she has a chance to properly consider just what she's asking or why.

"Whoah!" Alex says putting her hands up in mock surrender, "going straight for the jugular and taking advantage of my inebriated state eh?"

Piper shakes her head, "no, i'm just curious is all".

They lock eyes, a palpable heat radiating between them as Alex mulls the question over. "No" she replies flatly after a couple of minutes.

"No?"

"No, I've never been in love. I'm not sure I even believe it exists" she says matter of factly, pouring the remnants of Sangria into Piper's glass. A soggy piece of orange flops out onto the table in a form of dejected protest.

"Seriously?" Piper replies, her eyes widening a little in disbelief.

"Sure. You just kinda get used to having someone around and if you're lucky, that person won't irritate the living crap out of you, so you can tolerate them for longer, but if you're asking me about all that soul mates, one true love bullshit, then no, I don't believe in that."

"But that's so sad"

"Is it?" Alex says laughing.

"Yes, of course it is. So you don't believe there's some one out there _just_ for you?"

"What can I tell you kid, I live in the real world, but that doesn't mean you can't have a whole lot of fun along the way." She drains the dregs of her drink, suddenly feeling a little floaty, as if the booze has caught up with her all at once.

She holds the empty tumbler aloft, "this is some decent shit isn't it?"

"Lightweight" Piper replies, gently teasing her.

"Oh yea? I can guarantee I'm more lucid than you"

"How?" Piper asks, narrowing her eyes slightly in suspicion.

"Can you remember my last name?"

Piper pauses, slightly open mouthed "I…well…..it's…."

Alex laughs, "relax kid, we never got as far as exchanging last names at the wedding"

Piper exhales a little in relief. "Cheat" she says grinning.

Alex shrugs.

"So what is it then?"

"What?"

"Your last name"

Alex extends her hand "Hi, I'm Alex, Alex _Vause"_

Piper laughs, slightly bemused.

"You know, it's kinda rude to leave me hanging" Alex replies, her hand still hovering in mid air.

"Oh I'm sorry" Piper stays still grinning and taking Alex's hand. It feels warm and strangely familiar and sends a small pulse of _something_ through her. She shudders involuntarily at the contact. "Umm, I'm Piper, Piper _Chapman_. Nice to meet you".

"Likewise"

…

The cab ride disappears into an inky smudge and soon Piper is fumbling with her front door keys as they stumble into her apartment, hungry lips, urgent hands and tangled clothes all encapsulated in a clammy cloud.

"You're shirt, it's in a drawer somewhere" Piper mumbles against Alex's lips.

"Fuck the shirt" Alex replies breathless, tugging impatiently at the fastenings on Piper's dress.

"Easy there" Piper says pulling away momentarily, "I _do_ actually like this one"

"Yea, well I can guarantee you're going to like what I _do_ even better" Alex replies grinning.

They make it to the bed this time. But only just.

…

Alex wakes up to the smell of coffee. She pulls herself upright in the unfamiliar bed and snatches up her glasses from the nightstand. Her head feels as though someone is trying to cleave it in half and the sunlight streaming through the gaps in the blinds is not helping matters. A groan escapes her lips as she swings her legs out of bed. They land with a dull thud on the painted floorboards.

Clothes, her foggy mind is demanding of her.

So bleary eyed, she scans the room until she manages to locate them, in a crumpled heap at the foot of the bed. No recollection of how they got there. She pulls on jeans and a sweater and makes her way out of the room and towards the kitchen.

Piper is stood in a bathrobe, pouring two mugs of coffee, a slice of toast in her mouth, gently nodding her head to some shitty pop song on the radio. It's a few minutes before Alex realizes she has just been standing there silently observing the blonde with a stupid smile on her face.

"Hey" Piper mumbles, looking up and spotting her. She takes a bite of toast. "You want something to eat?"

Alex shakes her head "just coffee is fine"

"Feeling a little delicate huh?"

"Kinda"

"I thought you weren't a lightweight?" Piper says grinning and handing her the drink.

"How come you're so sprightly anyway?" Alex replies, taking a deep sip of coffee and feeling ever so slightly more human.

"I don't have a choice, I have a meeting in less than an hour"

"Ah ok"

They finish their drinks in a comfortable silence, before Alex suggests that she makes a move so she can go home and change before work.

"You don't wanna do the walk of shame huh?" Piper says raising an eyebrow.

"My coworkers are mainly men, I don't think most of them would remember my hair color, much less what I wore yesterday" she laughs.

She pulls on her shoes and jacket and grabs her bag from beside the couch.

"Well it was nice to…ummm…. catch up again Alex…" Piper says, hovering awkwardly by the doorway, not sure of the correct etiquette for something like this.

"Yea, the umm, _catching up_ was great, real great" Alex says grinning and making her way out of the apartment. "See you around"

"Bye" Piper says, closing the door softly behind her and leaning against it. And then she's grinning, broad and true, because she's just remembered something. She _still_ has Alex's shirt and she doesn't know why exactly, but the thought makes her happy.

Really fucking happy.

…

 _A/N: The lyrics at the beginning of the chapter are from 'Horchata' by the magnificent 'Vampire Weekend'._

 _This is gonna be a short(ish) multi chapter and both NightsLightss and I would like to assure you that we won't leave the story incomplete, even if the updates are a little sporadic._


	2. Chapter 2

_You'd remember drinkin Horchata_

 _You'd still enjoy it with your foot on masada_

…

An hour, that's how long Alex had promised Pete she would stay and even that is beginning to seem like it was an overly generous offer, as she glances down at her watch and realizes only twenty minutes have passed. Her temper is dangerously close to fraying; so far she's been trodden on, bumped into and splashed with beer.

"It's all part of the fun of the Paddy's day parade Vause…or should I say part of the _craic_ , you need to loosen up a bit", he says smiling and handing her a pint of Guinness. Alex takes it reluctantly.

She begins with a tentative sip and scrunches her face in disgust. "I dunno how you drink this shit" she says.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It tastes exactly how it looks….bleak"

"Well then, it should be right up your street" he grins.

"Real funny, are you forgetting _I'm_ the one doing you the favor?"

" _I_ just bought _you_ a drink and _you're_ the one doing _me_ a favor? Is this American gratitude?"

"No, I just have a slight hangover is all.." she mumbles grumpily, leaning against the small fence that has been erected around the decking of the bar, separating them from the main throngs of the parade.

"Fun night was it?"

Alex shrugs. It had been a non-descript bar, in a non-descript part of town.

 _The popcorn shrimp is good._

And she looks up from her piss poor beer and straight into the eyes of some red head. Evidently, she's referring to the bar's specialty. Nicky flashes her a grin. Alex ignores it. She tells the stranger that she's not hungry, the edges of her words a little fuzzy, most likely due to the fourth shot she had several minutes earlier (on Nicky's insistence) but it's made the beer more palatable and Alex can't argue with that.

So the woman points to her glass, offers her a refill instead. Alex declines, says it's the worst excuse for beer she's tasted this side of town. The red head raises an eyebrow, extends her hand, "I'm Lola" she says smiling, "Proprietor of this fine establishment….and evidently the purveyor of some lame ass beer" And now it's all Nichols can do to remain balanced on her bar stool as she bursts into a fit of laughter.

 _The jerk knew all along._

But Lola is pleasant and attractive, she seems warm and uncomplicated. So when last orders are being rung and she's whispering in Alex's ear that her place is only a couple of blocks away, it should be like countless other Saturday nights. Except this isn't. Because Alex can't quite muster the enthusiasm, because Lola's eyes aren't quite as bright, her smile not quite as sweet, her lips not quite as inviting as…but Alex can't bring herself to finish the sentence.

She walks three blocks, rides a bus for four and stumbles to her front door around 2am. It's not until she's turning the key, that the end of the sentence hits her, an unwelcome jolt of sobriety.

Piper Chapman.

…

"To hair of the dog!" Pete says, raising a glass in the air, attempting to gee Alex along, before taking another long pull on his drink. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand and they both turn to face the sea of green that is swarming through the center of the city, led by a very enthusiastic marching band.

Alex can feel her temples beginning to throb.

"Not a fan of the music huh?" Pete asks, noticing the pained expression on his friend's face.

"Not especially, not when it feels like someone is doing the river dance inside my skull"

"Hey, that's your first Irish related comment of the day, ten points for you"

"Well here's the second; Fekk off!"

"Whaddya know, you're on a roll" he laughs. "Oh, I almost forgot" Pete says, placing his pint down on the floor and grabbing his backpack from under the table. "I got us these". He pulls out two garishly green Leprechaun hats, "to _really_ get into the spirit".

"You've got to be fucking kidding me?"

"Come on dude, don't be a party pooper, few more drinks down you and you'll soon be bursting to join the folks out there" he says, pointing to the swarm of green.

Alex sighs deeply. "Fine" she says, looking down at her watch, "You've only got half an hour left anyway, then my time will be my own again".

"Deal" Pete says, handing her the hat, "Polly will be here by then anyway"

"Lucky Polly" Alex mumbles under her breath as she pulls the hat on. It immediately slides over her eyes, almost in protest. "Leprechauns must have fat fucking heads" she says pushing it back slightly, so it's perched at a jaunty angle.

"It might look better without the scowl" Pete says grinning as he re-adjusts his own.

"Well, it's the price you're gonna have to pay for making me wear it"

"Why don't I grab us a couple of whiskey's to chase these down" he says, turning back towards the bar "and then…." He pauses momentarily and waves someone over, Alex guesses it's Polly.

"Here she is, my very own lucky charm"

Alex doesn't even bother looking up _or_ suppressing an eye roll.

"Hey honey, are you a little drunk already?" Polly says smiling.

"No…can't a man just be super pleased to see his wife? And you're early"

"Yea, thought I'd surprise you and I bought a friend too, she's just gone to the bathroom"

"Great, the more the merrier, although grumpy over here" he says, hooking a thumb over his shoulder towards Alex, "is planning on leaving shortly. You remember Alex from the wedding don't you babe?"

"I don't think we _formally_ met at the wedding" Polly replies, politely. _Too_ politely, "But I remember her face. Nice to meet you", she says stretching her hand out.

"Finally…and _formally_ " Alex says, taking it and giving it a shake, as a gentle smirk plays at the corners of her mouth.

"Firm grip" a voice interrupts. Alex pulls away suddenly and before she knows what she's doing, her gaze is meeting blue eyes, resplendent in the mid-day sun. And there's a smile and a laugh. And just like that, Alex has suddenly forgotten why she needs to leave.

…

"Hey" Alex says

"Piper, this is A.." Polly begins.

"Alex" Piper says interrupting her friend, her mouth curving into a smile, "We um….met at the wedding"

"Oh" Polly replies, as if she's a little irritated about being left out of the loop.

"Nice hat, didn't think it would be your usual style" Piper says grinning.

"When in Rome…"

"Wear an ill fitting hat?"

"Something like that" she laughs.

"Well, it doesn't look half bad"

"What about the other half?"

"Why don't you buy me a drink and maybe we can figure that bit out later….."

Alex doesn't need to be asked twice.

…

It's mid afternoon, the pub is thronging with revelers and their roomy table spot for four, has quickly turned into a cramped corner for two, Pete and Polly lost in a flock of human traffic by the bar. Alex glances down at her watch

"Some place to be?" Piper chides.

"Maybe…"

"Some place better than this?"

"Well I never said that, now did I?" Alex smirks.

Piper leans into her a little, looks a little deeper into her eyes and licks her lips, leaving only the slightest, most inviting sheen and suddenly Alex's heart is thrumming, suddenly, they could be the only two people in the whole wide world. Suddenly, she can't imagine wanting anything more than _this_ girl.

Alex leans in to kiss her, Piper pulls away, laughing lightly.

"What the…?"

"Someone might see". Her eyes are bright and wide and innocent.

"So? You mean like little Miss Prissy?"

"Polly?...No, not really….."

"So what then?"

"I just think" Piper says, running a fingertip across Alex's collar bone, "that once you start kissing me, you may not be able to stop, that's all. So really, I'm doing _you_ a favor"

"Bullshit" Alex says shaking her head.

"Ya know, you're awfully confident for someone that was wearing an oversized Leprechaun hat"

"And you're awfully dismissive for someone that came _seven_ times, last time we fucked"

"Well what can I say, I have high standards…and your shirt. You ever gonna collect it?"

Alex doesn't reply, instead roughly tugging Piper by the waist, pulling her close and kissing her full and hard.

She tastes different to last time, better, more familiar and it's almost like something is shifting beneath her; the planes of life re-aligning themselves to make this fit, to make _her_ fit. But she squeezes her eyes shut tighter still, allowing the thoughts to be drowned out by the buzz of the crowd, the gentle murmuring breathes of the blonde pressed against her, until Piper's pulling away laughing. She snatches Alex's discarded hat up from the floor, placing it on the brunette's head clumsily.

"I'm gonna go freshen up" she whispers, "when I get back, my place? Overgrown Leprechauns are most welcome".

"Sure" Alex replies, because it's casual, it's fine. It's nothing to worry about. Maybe.

…

She pours some coffee, cracks eggs into a pan and enquires about Alex's plans for the day. The brunette shrugs, watching the eggs hiss and spit, thinking she should really just grab her stuff and leave, but her legs aren't complying with what her mind is insisting and her heart feels heavy at the thought.

A trip to Ikea is floated around. Alex bristles at the idea, her mind already writing it off as something that couples do. But Piper's coaxing her round, lacing fingers through her dark hair, murmuring something about how she'll make it worth her while later, as she presses her lips against Alex's neck.

 _Stay a little longer…just a short while more….doesn't this feel good?_

And Alex can't argue with that. So they eat eggs and bacon, drink a pot of coffee and the brunette feels an odd sort of contentment in the set up, but she knows how this goes, how it _always_ goes, so she snaps back to reality, telling herself not to get too comfortable.

And the hourglass flips over.

They roam around the store, opening drawers on dressers they don't buy, inspecting a stove they'd never use, lying on beds that they don't need and Alex's mind is wandering in a way she never thought possible, because all of this could be a reality; and it's a cruel game, one in which she will not allow herself to participate.

They ride the bus back home and the gentle rocking hum is lulling Piper into sleep, so she nestles her head against Alex's shoulder and gently closes her eyes and the lightness of her breath, the nearness of her skin, is causing something to swell within Alex that she cannot comprehend. So when they arrive back at Piper's and she's gathering her things, all it takes is a look; the shimmer of blue, a teasing smile and Alex is dropping her bag back to the floor and following her into the bedroom, reminding herself, that tomorrow, she can try again.

And the hourglass flips over.

…

And so it begins: a loose routine that becomes less loose, a tentative arrangement that becomes solidified. And neither of them defines it with words, but Alex notices herself holding Piper a little closer, a little tighter, a little longer and on the nights she's not there, the bed seems bigger, colder, less inviting. But she doesn't question why. She's not ready for _that._

But Nichols notices and comments. Alex roundly ignores it. Her mother smiles at her knowingly. Alex pretends not to see it. And she can't quite understand if it's the beginning of something new or the end of something old. Only that Piper Chapman's lips are the most exquisite thing she's ever known.

But they're _just_ kisses, she reminds herself it's _just_ sex, she recites. And when Piper's smile makes her stomach flip, it's _just_ because it's familiar, easy... _routine._ Because she can end this any time, nothing is permanent. And Alex Vause has never believed in happy ever after anyway. She can't afford to.

She's brushing her teeth, one night after dinner, when Piper yells out to her.

"Don't forget, I'm not here next week, I'm going to the Hamptons with my parents...Cal's birthday"

Alex doesn't reply, allows the words to drift in the air; they can't settle, she won't allow it. Because it would lend them a permanence, a reality. Require her to consider why they've elicited a sudden ache in her chest.

So she loses herself in the gentle buzz of the toothbrush, eyes scanning the shelf above the sink. Potions and lotions she doesn't recollect buying or owning or needing. _Piper's_ things. Part of a slowly growing collection, pieces of her scattered around the place; t-shirts in a drawer, shoes tossed under the bed, a pair of earrings on the nightstand; all trinkets of whatever is forming, burgeoning...slipping out of Alex's control

And now her gut is churning, her head pounding and she's clutching the sides of the sink, clammy hands struggling for traction. She thinks she may be drowning.

…

 _A/N: So guys, sorry for the delay, but as mentioned at the end of chapter 1, the updates are likely to be very sporadic for this, because of other writing, needing to eat and sleep…and also just life, ya know? But, we're not planning on leaving this story incomplete, so bear with us for now._

 _Oh and lyrics at the top are of course from 'Horchata' by Vampire Weekend_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Sorry for the radio silence folks._

 _My memory is like the sieviest of sieves, so thank you "imissedyourpatronage" for your assistance with some of the details in this chapter._

 _The flashback is in italics._

 _Enjoy._

…

 _Winter's cold is too much to handle_

 _Pincher crabs that pinch at your sandals_

 _Here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten_

 _Chairs to sit and sidewalks to walk on_

 _Ooh you had it but oh no you lost it_

 _Lookin back you shouldn't have fought it_

…

The Hamptons trip has been extended by another week and so Alex finds the telephone conversations becoming shorter and more generic, her interest wavering, thoughts drifting to something else. And she knows this makes her a jerk, recognizes that every murmur of disinterest or prolonged silence hurts Piper a little bit more, but truthfully, she never signed up for any of _this._

It's almost midnight one night, as Alex lays in bed, phone pressed to her ear and Piper is complaining about sun burn, the over cooked lobster she ate for dinner, her mother's nagging, but lacing it all (something which neither of them can ignore) is the longing. The deep-seated ache that not being with one another elicits from within them. Piper embraces it, with all the promises she'll make good on her return, whispers of affection, but Alex swallows it down; dilutes it just enough that it can't force it's way back to the forefront of her mind, at least not for the remainder of the conversation.

"Are you ok Al?"

It's a fair question and not unexpected, but Alex has no idea how to answer it so that it's satisfactory enough for both of them. So she feigns a headache, pretends not to hear Piper's frustrated sigh and they eventually hang up.

She lies staring at the ceiling for a little while, watching the dancing shadows, cast by the street lamp across the road. And they flicker and they flail, until intoxicated by the heavy call of slumber, she carries them with her, to place that is warm and safe, where Piper Chapman need not exist; her dreams.

…

" _Alex? Alex Vause?"_

 _Her head snaps around and she's almost face to face with a tall, slim woman. The hair looks more striking, less dirty blonde than she remembers and the eyes are little warmer, soft creases forming around them as the last remnants of botox dissipate, but there's no mistaking that empty smile._

 _Jessica Wedge._

" _Oh my god, it's been forever" she almost squeals, bringing a manicured hand up to her face, sizeable engagement ring glinting in the early afternoon gloom. "You look…amazing". And the slight change in her expression, the subtle variation in her tone, makes Alex realize, it's the first time she's ever heard Jessica Wedge sound genuine about anything._

" _Like seriously, talk about the ugly duckling and the swan" she continues to babble, failing to allow Alex's lack of any discernible response to halt her in her tracks. She looks the brunette up and down, for the third time in as many minutes. "And_ _ **great**_ _coat" she says, reaching over, long slender fingers caressing the fabric of the sleeve. And when she pulls away, it's as if she's left a trail of something toxic, as Alex is convinced she can feel it searing straight through to her flesh. "Bergdorf Goodman?"_

" _Thrift store" Alex dead pans, "to go with my Bobos". She watches Jessica's face closely for a trace of anything resembling recognition, or embarrassment or awkwardness, but instead there's nothing. Nothing other than the resurfacing of that hollow smile and it makes Alex want to scream._

 _And people continue to mill around them, wandering in out of stores, hurrying across the street, hailing cabs….partaking in life. Alex supposes she and Jessica could seem like any two women to them; co-workers, old friends, new friends, just friends. Except they're none of those things and they never will be, because for so many years, Jessica Wedge made her question the motives of people. And the dryness of her throat and the swirling in the pit of her stomach, is making her realize, that after all this time, she still possesses that ability._

 _Jessica tilts her head back slightly and laughs, but what escapes her mouth sounds strange, almost like a strangled screech, as if her body is rejecting the action. "You always were amusing" she proclaims. "Hey, Penny's got her engagement party this weekend, you should totally come"_

 _Alex raises an eyebrow in disbelief. How freely the pleasantries are tumbling from this woman's lips. Jessica immediately misreads her expression as a failure to recollect a classmate. "You remember Penny right? Penny Stone? Anyway, some of the other gang will be there too, I'm sure they'd be pleased to see you. I mean just_ _ **look**_ _at you, they're gonna be amazed"._

 _The word "gang" immediately jars with Alex, like she's being initiated into a select group, that she should be grateful for Jessica's attentions, her overbearing attempts to form them into a version of something that Alex is pretty sure can never exist._

 _Jessica furrows her brow, seemingly puzzled at Alex's lack of enthusiasm and tries to change tack instead. 'How's your mom?' she asks, fiddling with the silk scarf around her neck. Alex isn't sure if it's nerves or a bid to draw attention to the expensive accessory. She ignores it either way, firing back the only response that seems fitting in the circumstance._

" _Oh, you know, still shopping at payless and working at Friendly's". Of course it's a lie, but for the first time, Jessica's expression looks less than assured, her eyes flicking to the concrete slabs beneath her feet, as if she's willing them to crack open and swallow her whole._

" _Alex..I…" she begins, but it's an ill thought out sentence, one that she has no idea how to conclude, so the unease swirls thickly around them, like a fog, failing to settle. "We were just kids" she finally manages to choke out. "And you were always so…so…."_

" _Poor?" Alex says, the taut threads of her self control, finally snapping._

" _Different" Jessica offers instead._

 _Alex laughs, it's sardonic and raw and Jessica's eyes once again fail to meet hers. A cyclist swerves around them, almost crashing into Alex in the process. "Jackass" Alex yells after him, "you shouldn't even be on the fucking sidewalk". She dusts herself down and finds Jessica staring at her curiously. "Well, you can take the girl out of payless…" Alex grins. But Jessica doesn't return the smile, share the joke, or do anything to suggest that she is any more comfortable with the situation than she was a few moments ago, so she hurriedly changes the subject instead._

" _Well it looks like you're doing well for yourself anyway", she mumbles apologetically._

" _Why? Because I'm wearing clothes you like? Because my glasses weren't purchased with state assistance? Because I smell of something that's sat in a pretty little bottle on your dresser at home?" she spits, so vehemently that Jessica takes a visible step back._

 _She shakes her head. "I just meant…well it doesn't matter". She hitches the handles of her bag further over her shoulder. "I've gotta go, I'm meeting my mother for brunch, take care Alex" she says, almost as an after thought._

 _Alex watches her disappear down the street, eventually lost to a thronging crowd near a street performer. She looks down at her leather boots. She never_ _ **did**_ _understand what was so wrong with bobos anyway._

…

She's late, she knows that, but as the rain begins to pelt her a little harder, she still can't muster the energy to quicken her pace, lengthen her stride or convince herself that this is where she wants to be right now, that _this_ is what she wants to do.

The pale grey hoarding of the restaurant finally comes into sight, gold leaf lettering, glistening in the early evening drizzle.

She glances down at her watch, their reservation was for half an hour ago. Alex smirks at the thought of Polly flapping about her late arrival, cheeks flushed, lips pursed. It gives her a great deal more pleasure than it should and so the sadist in her figures, what's another five minutes?

She takes shelter under the stoop of a neighboring furniture store and lights a cigarette, watching the patrons drift in and out of the restaurant doorway.

 _New money, old money, new money, old money_

She mumbles it under her breath like a silly tongue twister, repeating the words faster and faster until she loses her train of thought and realizes that someone's yelling her name. She whirls around to see Pete walking towards her, removing cellophane from a box of freshly purchased cigarettes. Alex takes another deep drag of her own and nods in recognition of her co-worker.

"Finally decided to turn up huh?" Pete says grinning, "My darling wife is screwing in there you do realize that?" he says, gesturing to the door of the restaurant.

Alex shrugs.

"You got any more of that scintillating conversation for dinner?" he laughs.

"Fuck you" Alex replies, taking a final drag of her cigarette and snuffing it out on the wall behind her. She tosses the stub into a nearby drain.

"And a litterbug too? Your list of flaws is increasing by the second, just what _does_ Piper see you I wonder?"

She knows it's a joke, the type of banter she hears from Pete every day at work, but for some reason, the sentence hits her straight in the guts, with such unexpected force, that her head begins to swim.

"Vause?" Pete says, dropping the playful edge to his voice. "You ok?"

Alex presses her back firmly against the wall, her hands clenched in blood hot fists at her sides. She catches her reflection in a shop window across the street: frantic and lost. She needs a drink. Or to not be _here._ Preferably both.

"I'm ok…low blood sugar….maybe". She mumbles something about skipping lunch, as shaky hands light another cigarette.

"Ok" he replies unconvinced. She offers him a drag, but he declines, excusing himself back inside the restaurant.

The rain has stubbornly set in now, the stoop offering her ineffectual shelter, as fat droplets ricochet off the sidewalk, peppering her haphazardly. And as cold and sodden as she feels, it's cathartically numbing, so much so, that before she knows it, cigarette two has become five and the constant foot flow of pedestrians in front of her quickly become a ubiquitous smudge.

"Shall I get them to bring you a menu out here?"

It's Piper. Arms wrapped tightly around herself, attempting to make a joke. Except that her eyes betray the words. "You're soaking wet Al". She holds the brunette's gaze, stopping short of what she really wants to ask.

 _Why are you being like this?_

"You'll catch a cold" she adds instead, shaking her head lightly. "And you're wearing _those_ boots again"

"So?" Alex replies, not bothering to dull the assholishness that's threatening to bubble to the surface.

"So? What do you mean _so,_ one of them leaks and you refuse to get them re-soled"

Alex takes a drag of her final cigarette, exhaling slowly, savoring the sensation of _release,_ before tossing the remains into the nearest muddy puddle, were it floats around on the surface, slower and slower until it's finally submerged.

"Well" she says, tugging up the collar of her coat, "if you feel that way, maybe I shouldn't come inside, I wouldn't want to show you up". She narrows her eyes slightly, fixes them firmly on Piper, willing her to protest vehemently, tell her she's wrong, smile and kiss her so that everything's ok again, because right now, she feels as if that is the only thing that can save _them_. But she doesn't.

Instead she takes a step back, examining Alex like a painting that she's just seen in a fresh light: raw and uncompromising, flaws exposed. And the scrutiny of her gaze, carries with it a palpable heat and it makes Alex long for the numbness she felt, only mere moments ago.

"I can't deal with this right now, we need to go inside, Polly's already pissed and…"

"….I can't do this Piper" Alex interjects. She pretends not hear the crack of her own voice, refuses to acknowledge it, because to do so would make it real and she's not sure she can finish her sentence if she admits _that._

"Look, I know you don't like her" Piper sighs, "But it's _one_ dinner. Just try a little harder…..please?"

The rain is getting heavier now and so she presses herself closer to Alex, trying to avoid the main force of the downpour, jostling for cover under inadequate shelter. Her breath is warm and sweet: bourbon and spice and her eyes, bluer and clearer than Alex can ever remember.

"I wish we could be different", Alex offers, in little more than a whisper.

Piper's eyes are wide.

"That I could do _this"_

Piper's eyes are glassy.

"But I can't"

"You mean you won't". The words are thick and wet: bile and hurt and regret. But if she's honest, she's seen this coming for weeks. It had started as joke by Nichols:

 _Vause, your_ _ **girlfriend**_ _wants a hand in the kitchen._

A glance and a snarky dig:

 _Pipes, maybe you and Al can put in for your_ _ **own**_ _place at the Hamptons next year?_

An ignored invitation:

 _It's Cal and Neri's engagement party next month, they've said I can bring a plus one._

And she could explain away the Hamptons phone calls as a blip, excuse Alex's refusal to soften to her friends as occasional moodiness. But out here, sodden and shivering, there's nowhere left for either of them to hide.

"I'm sorry" Alex says, in lieu of further explanation.

Piper's eyes are ice.

"You're a fucking coward, you know that Alex?" The words are measured; cold and hard, like a pebble. She turns to walk away and then stops suddenly, purposefully. "You know" she continues, her face hidden by the lengthening evening shadows, "if you keep running long enough, one day you'll find, there's no more ground beneath your feet".

And then she's gone, disappearing into the soft, murmuring embrace of the restaurant.

And it's still raining.

…

 _A/N: Lyrics at the beginning of the chapter from "Horchata" by Vampire Weekend._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Sometimes the tears come and sometimes they don't._

…

 _Years go by and hearts start to harden_

 _Those palms and firs that grew in your garden_

 _Falling down and nearing the rose beds_

 _The roots are shooting up through the tool shed_

…

He slides the coffee cup across the desk to her: a bid to soften her resolve.

"I've told you, no" Alex says, her eyes still firmly fixed on the computer screen in front of her. "I'm busy that night".

"Busy doing what?" Pete replies, rolling his chair a little closer to hers.

"Visiting an Aunt…"

"Lie"

"Looking after the neighbor's pet Hamster"

"Lie"

"…being abducted by Aliens"

They both laugh.

"Come on Vause, it's my birthday, don't be a jerk" he says, kicking her chair playfully. Alex doesn't reply, just bangs the keys a little harder, hoping her complete lack of interest will make him retreat back to his own desk soon enough. But he doesn't, instead, mentioning the _one_ thing she was hoping he wouldn't.

" _She's_ not gonna be there you know"

Alex swallows hard, unmoved at the admission. Because if she doesn't react, she doesn't care and if she doesn't care, she won't _feel._ And after all, feeling is what caused this mess in the first place.

"She's at some conference for work" he continues, taking Alex's silence as encouragement to go on. And she doesn't stop him, because it's been two months since she's last seen or heard from Piper, known anything of substance about her life, so she allows herself this _small_ luxury. Grants herself a moment to consume a slice of the minutiae of Piper's life, to feel close to her again in _some_ tiny way.

"Some bullshit marketing thing apparently, all the way over in Utah. Flight's not due back until late Saturday evening, she couldn't get it changed, so…"

Alex turns to face her friend. "So?" she says, raising an eyebrow.

"So….there won't be any dramas if you come….which you will…because you're such an amazing pal…and if you don't…..i'll never speak to you again". He leans back in his chair, crossing his arms, bottom lip protruding exaggeratedly.

Alex laughs. "Idiot. Fine, I'll come, just stop pouting, it makes your face look worse than it already is."

Pete grins. "It'll be fun".

Alex isn't so sure.

…

Pete is drunk, Polly isn't.

Alex takes another swig of beer number two and pretends not to notice that Polly's accusatory glances are failing to abate _and_ that it's bothering her more than it should.

By Polly's standards, this would be considered a dive bar; sticky tabletops and fried food served in baskets. The sort of place where dirty fist fights are always brewing in the shadowy corners of the room. _But,_ it's one of the few places that sells the Australian beer that Pete likes and as it's his birthday, Alex guesses, it was a reluctant concession that his wife _had_ to make. Although by the pained expression she's had on her face all evening, it would seem that she's beginning to regret that decision.

"You having fun?" Pete asks her. Although he's stood on the spot, he's gently swaying to a rhythm that only he can seem to hear.

"Well clearly not as much as you" Alex laughs.

"I'm the birthday boy" he says, grinning goofily, before raising his pint glass and toasting himself. "To me!" he says, taking a large gulpful, some of which misses his mouth and dribbles down his sweater.

"Honey" Polly hisses, suddenly appearing at his side, dabbing at him with a paper napkin, "that's cashmere".

"You should put cold water on it" Alex says.

"What?" Polly snaps.

"Cold water, so the stain doesn't set in"

"Thanks, but I think I know what I'm doing" Polly replies, tugging Pete in the direction of the bathrooms and tossing the brunette another scowl for good measure. Alex rolls her eyes, finishes her drink and then promptly orders another. The bartender dumps it in front of her and slides a small bowl of peanuts next to it. She pops a couple, grimacing when she realizes how stale they taste. Rookie error.

 _Can I have a Margarita?_

The words are unfamiliar, the voice isn't and if she's honest, she didn't even need to look up to confirm what she already knew, what she _felt_ as soon as Piper walked into the grimy confines of the bar.

"Isn't it a little cold for a Margarita?" Alex says. She swears she's smiling, can feel her lips being pulled into something resembling one at least; but the hammering of her heart and the pounding of her skull is making this feel less than pleasant and easy.

"I don't recall asking for a side of asshole" Piper replies, her voice steady, unnervingly staid.

"Don't worry" Alex grins, "I only come as a _main_ course".

And then she's laughing. And Alex swears it's the purest fucking sound she's ever heard. And her eyes are dancing in the murky glow of the overhead lamps and she's the old Piper again, the one that Alex didn't break.

The bartender hands her the cocktail, she thanks him lightly and sips it mechanically.

"How have you been?" she asks, when almost all of her drink has been downed.

The brunette shrugs.

"Effusive"

Alex chuckles softly. "You want another?" she says pointing to Piper's glass.

"You trying to get me drunk?"

"For?"

"You tell me?"

Alex watches as she deliberately licks her lips, is mesmerized when she leans over the bar to grab a napkin and there's something about the shimmer of her eyes that seizes her, consumes her so unforgivingly, that for a moment, everything else just stops _being._

"So?" Piper continues.

"So….?"

"Where's my drink?"

So Alex orders another, places it in front of the blonde and watches, mouth a little agape, as she downs it one gulp.

"Thirsty?" she asks, slightly bemused.

"Anyone ever told you that you ask too many questions? Now get me another"

And they remain like that for a little while, allowing the patrons to drift around them, drowned in a sea of white noise, until Piper finally cracks the shell cocooning them.

"I left you a message…" She says, her eyes settling on the bar top, forefinger tracing crazy patterns across it, "I said we should talk…you never replied"

The truth is, Alex had been snatching glances at her phone all _that_ weekend, discreetly (or so she'd thought) until Nichols finally elbows her in the ribs, _hard,_ tells her to stop moping about.

"A watched kettle never fucking boils, Vause"

"It's a watched _pot_ jackass _,_ but thanks for the clichéd advice" Alex had replied, not bothering to suppress an eye roll.

So they'd gone to watch a game at a mutual friends, drunk a little too much beer and bourbon, until, feeling a little on the wrong side of buzzed, enough so that the warm fuzziness makes Piper a little too hazy to recollect in any vivid detail (sepia is always much safer) she'd noticed the new voice message icon on her phone. And before she's even pressing it to her ear, she knows precisely whom it's going to be.

Her voice sounds distorted, like she's underwater, but Alex isn't sure if that's because _she's_ consumed the best part of a bottle of liquor within the last hour, or if Piper's been crying. She doesn't dwell on the latter though, because it makes her gut contort in a way that is almost physically painful.

There's some background noise, the clinking of glasses, a dull buzz of voices and Alex guesses she's in a bar or restaurant of some description, phone clutched to her ear in a clandestine fashion, avoiding the prying eyes of Polly, Pete…anyone else that just won't understand.

"You're not there…" she begins, thinking out loud, trying to dull the underlying despair. So she rambles on a little. She's in a place she thinks Alex may like. The beer is good, the décor is vintage and the music decent. "I mean, Pete picked it, but it's even made Polly less uptight I think". And then she laughs, but it feels forced, strangled, like a swimmer desperately trying to hit the surface for air. "Maybe it's good that you didn't pick up…" A raucous laugh in the background stops her dead for a few seconds. Allows her words to hang in the air like a thin morning mist. "I should go I guess" she finally adds and then silence as Alex waits for the automated voice to inform her that it's the end of the message. Except it isn't.

"Alex….I miss you…can we talk?"

And now she's wishing it _was_ the end of the message, because the sharp pang in her chest is telling her that she's struggling to rid herself of this girl. And Alex Vause has always been good at compartmentalizing, putting _herself_ first. Until now: until _this_ girl.

"I just don't fucking get you" and now the melancholy is slipping into something else, something visceral and dangerous, as frustration begins to cloud her words. "You want me to be angry? Well guess what I'm really fucking angry because I love you Alex. I love you and I fucking hate you". And then she's gone, just like that.

And Alex can convince herself the growing nausea is the booze, persuade herself the stabbing pain in her chest was the ill advised walk home in the bitter cold. But the truth is, even sepia is no longer safe. Not when it comes to Piper Chapman at least.

"You just gonna stand there staring, or are you actually gonna answer the question?" Piper asks.

Alex flips a dog eared beer mat between her fingers, watches a woman arguing with her boyfriend just over Piper's right shoulder and wishes to god she was feeling more inebriated then she presently does.

"Fine" Piper finally says, sliding off the bar stool and stumbling in the process. Alex immediately reaches out to steady her.

"Easy there, I think we should maybe get you some water"

"I'd prefer some answers, but I don't think they're available on tap are they?" Her eyes are narrowed, scrutinizing Alex keenly, making the brunette feel like she desperately needs some air.

"What is it you want me to tell you Piper?" she snaps, as they're stood face-to-face, mere inches apart.

"The truth Alex, why you bailed"

"I told….you I…couldn't…"

"Do this any more….yea I got that part, but it doesn't make any sense"

"Not every thing has to fit into your neat little world view Piper". The blonde's eyes visibly widen at the statement, her head rocking back slightly, as if the impact of the words is almost physical.

"Don't you dare fucking do that, don't you dare try and make this about _me!_ " she hisses, cheeks flushed. "I tried everything to try and make this work, you were the one that didn't want to spend time with my friends, you were the one that could barely say a word to me when I called you from the Hamptons…."

Alex turns to walk away, because the words just won't come, won't free themselves from where they're presently trapped in her throat, that she's sorry, that she loves her, that she's never going to fit into Piper's life, there are too many jagged edges for that; a rogue piece of glass. But Piper isn't in the mood to let things go that easily. She curls her fingers around Alex's wrist: firm, bruise worthy even, pulling her back towards her.

"What the fuck…"

"You don't get to do this again, bail on me like that". She's tugging at the collars of Alex's jacket now, roughly, pulling her closer, so she can feel the warmth of Alex's breath on her cheek. And the nearness of her is so delicious and so inviting, captured in a palpable inevitability that neither can begin to explain.

And then they're kissing.

…

 _A/N: Lyrics at the beginning of the chapter are from "Horchata" by Vampire Weekend._

 _Not sure how many more chapters are in this thing, but hope you're enjoying it thus far. Thank you for all your follows and reviews, they are always much appreciated._


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: So it's short and I'm sorry for that, but my brain was restless and I felt like I should write_ _ **something**_ _rather than nothing. I also don't seem capable of sitting down and stringing out longish chapters any more. I don't know why, it just seems to be the way it is for now. It's also horribly angsty, but I won't apologize for_ _ **that,**_ _because I think it's necessary; for the story, for Alex…..maybe even for me a tiny bit. Anyway, it will hopefully whet your appetite for what is to follow and what is more than likely going to be the final chapter._

 _Comments and thoughts always welcome._

 _Enjoy._

…

 _Those lips and teeth to ask how my day went_

 _Are shouting up through cracks in the pavement_

…

"You're not supposed to be here" Alex murmurs softly against Piper's lips. And she's not entirely sure if she's chastising _herself,_ or questioning the blonde.

"I managed to change my flight" comes the breathless response. "Unless you want me to leave?"

"What do you think?"

"Well your hand is on my ass…so….?"

There's a small pause, before Alex replies with another kiss. Firmer and hungrier than the first: something dangerous, ready to flare. She figures it makes the point more emphatically than a whole string of words might and from the way Piper sinks into her, she's pretty certain she's right.

"Pipes?" The interjection is one of confusion, with a slight hint of disgust. The interjection is _Polly Harper._

Piper breaks away from the kiss, so abruptly that she almost stumbles backwards. And Alex has a horrible feeling that she knows how this is going to go and she's not sure she can stomach the punch line.

"Hey Poll" Piper says, tucking a tendril of blonde hair behind her ear, her face still slightly flushed: booze? Alex? _Embarrassment?_

The latter thought begins to make Alex's head pound, so she attempts to quell it by snatching her beer bottle from the bar top and draining it in one, long gulp. Polly doesn't even acknowledge her, not so much as a peripheral glance, instead her eyes are still wide and firmly fixed on her best friend.

"You said you weren't going to make it?" her tone is suspicious, accusatory even.

"Well, my flight got changed…so here I am….tah dah!" Piper replies, chuckling awkwardly.

"Were you even gonna come say hi?" Polly continues, clearly unappeased.

"Of course I was, I just….well…."

"Sure, you were just too busy getting drunk with _her"_

And _now_ Alex can feel the full force of Polly's stare, the intensity of which is threatening to bore a hole through her. And Alex waits for Piper to interrupt, correct her friend, tell her to mind her own fucking business, _anything_ to show she's on _Alex's_ side. But instead, she just giggles, staring down at the floor like an errant schoolgirl.

And it's then that Alex realizes that the joke is on _her._ And as she snatches up her bag and leaves, barging the exit door so firmly, that her shoulder screams in agony, she finally understands, she's been grappling in the dark for something that doesn't want to be found.

…

The rain is an impenetrable, icy sheet; unrelenting in it's ferocity and she's almost glad of it, as it lends her a comforting numbness for a short while; respite of some sort.

She's four blocks away from the bar when she notices the sting of something wet on her cheeks. _It's just the rain_ , her mind insists. She doesn't allow herself to think any further than that. Not tonight.

…

There are times when _this_ feels like a tapestry of sorts. A moment comprised of multiple threads, composing a larger more complex _them._ Something tangible for fingertips to dance across: to trail and trace. And Alex can believe in that, because it feels _real._

And Piper's words can soothe, her eyes convey a promise and Alex doesn't feel as though she's diluting herself to become something more palatable in Piper's world, something more acceptable to the likes of Polly Harper and Jessica Wedge.

"Say something nice" Piper asks one night, when things are good, when the cool confines of the bedroom seem like the only place were anything matters.

"Nice?"

"Yea"

"Like what?" Alex asks a little bemused, examining Piper's face in the flickering lights cast from a film they had both stopped watching half an hour ago.

"I dunno"

"Peaches"

Piper laughs, the laugh that Alex knows is real, because it's reserved precisely for moments like this, when no one else is watching them, when her guard is down, when her lips taste sweeter, her embrace feels warmer and her eyes are the bluest blue that Alex can ever remember. "Is that nice?" she asks.

"It is if you like peaches"

"And do you?" Piper asks holding her gaze, her voice dropping to almost a whisper, as long, slender fingers play with the ends of Alex's hair, her head moving to rest lightly on Alex's chest.

"I _really_ do".

Alex isn't certain if either of them is talking about Peaches any more, or if they ever really were, but she _does_ know it's one of those moments she'll store away, recollect at her own leisure, index for when she needs to reassure herself they were something once, that she didn't imagine _this._ Because Alex Vause knows too well, the end is _always_ inevitable, she just wishes it could be different this time, that she could allow herself the luxury of fully letting go. But even the best girlfriend will fuck you over. And Piper Chapman won't be any different.

Maybe.

…

The silence in the apartment isn't her friend tonight. She paces from room to room, not sure where she is going to or what she's escaping from, only that she can't stop…settle.

 _You remind me of so many songs_

She remembers Piper saying. Alex had asked which ones, good ones, she's told, the best kind.

"The best kind?"

"Uh huh, the sort that float around your brain indefinitely, like maybe they fade in and out of focus, but they never disappear completely"

"Like your sub conscious?"

"Yes, because" she tells Alex, "you're always just…. _there"_

And it's only really now, as she's sat on the bathroom floor, a half empty tumbler of bourbon, precariously perched on her knee, back pressed against the cool tiled wall, that she understands how someone can infiltrate your thoughts like that, infect…addle….. _possess….._

She swallows hard. All she can taste is blood.

…

 _A/N: Lyrics at the beginning from "Horchata" by Vampire Weekend._


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: So as promised, here's the final chapter. Apologies that this thing has been coming to you in dribs and drabs, but at various times over the last few months I've not really been feeling the whole writing, or OITNB thing. But, as promised, I don't like leaving unfinished business, so here is a conclusion of sorts. I hope it wraps things up neatly…..or if not, at the very least, satisfactorily._

 _First set of italics are from "Horchata" by Vampire Weekend. Subsequent italics represent a flashback._

 _Enjoy._

…

 _Here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten_

 _Chairs to sit and sidewalks to walk on_

 _Oh, you had it but, oh no, you lost it_

 _You understood so you shouldn't have fought it_

…

She doesn't remember what time she fell asleep, only that her dreams came in hushed shadows, one quickly morphing into another, rising and falling with each escaping breath. And she's dimly aware of something cold and hard pressed against her cheek and a dull buzzing sound somewhere in the distance. And then it comes to her:

 _Bathroom floor, door buzzer_

In that order.

So she hurriedly scrambles to her feet, kicking over the empty tumbler, which makes a disarming crack and rushes to the intercom.

She mumbles a greeting that even her own brain cannot decipher, but it's not particularly welcoming, that much she _can_ fathom. And when she realizes it's Piper, she begins to wish she hadn't bothered at all.

She asks to be let in, insists that they need to talk, but Alex offers her nothing more than silence.

"Please" she persists and there's a slight fracture to her voice, probably something that no one but Alex would recognize and so she begins to find her resistance wavering, her resolve weakening. And she hates herself for it, like she does every other time, but she has no idea how to rid herself of the hold that this girl has over her. So she takes a deep breath and allows her in, listening out for the clanking of her footsteps on the stairwell, delivering her ever closer.

Her eyes flick to the living room window. The moon is high and proud tonight, casting pretty refractions as it hits the bottle of liquor on the end table. Alex's first thought is to snatch it up, tuck it behind one of the cushions on the couch, or stow it back in the kitchen cupboard, but she's done with tempering her behavior for others, being a secret, something not worthy of being fully shared. And that's what she intends to tell Piper, as soon as she walks straight through the door and if they're done after that, then they're done.

 _But they won't be done, they can't be done….can they?_

The thought is alarmingly sobering.

Finally, she hears the soft rap of knuckles on the apartment door, she takes a moment before opening it, pressing her forehead lightly against the smooth wood veneer.

"Al?" Her voice sounds heavy, thick and wet.

"Alex?" It's more urgent this time, as the dim possibility dawns on her that she may not get her way. And Alex knows she shouldn't relish this in the way that she is, recognizes that it's cruel to extend her agony in such a manner, but part of this feels like retribution, for tonight, last week, last month, for Jessica Wedge….and a childhood raised on state assistance and broken promises, for a lifetime of wounds inflicted by Piper Chapmans' and Polly Harpers.

"I'm sorry" she adds.

 _Silence._

"I know I didn't explain things to Polly, but I was drunk…."

 _Silence._

And then she swallows hard, before asking the one question that Alex was dreading the most: "Can we fix this?"

…

" _Can we fix this?" Piper says, holding the blue and white, bone china vase aloft. A zig-zag crack creeping up the edge of it, splintering as it reaches one of the painted flower petals. Alex doesn't hear; she's buried deep in a book, earphones on, bobbing her head lightly to an unknown rhythm. Piper sighs deeply as she realizes she doesn't have her attention. So she strides over and taps her on the shoulder._

" _Hmmm?" the brunette replies, removing the headphones so they're now hanging around her neck, snatches of "Riders on the Storm" leaking out of the ear piece._

" _This, can we fix it? I dropped it in the sink just now and cracked it a little" she says, shoving the vase so close to Alex, it's only mere inches from her nose._

" _I dunno….it's not even mine, it was in one of the cupboards when I moved in"_

" _But it's so pretty" Piper continues, her finger tracing the blue stem of a flower._

" _I'll take your word for it" Alex replies grinning._

" _Don't you wonder about the history of stuff like this?"_

" _A vase?"_

" _Yea, like who owned it before you, why did they buy it"_

" _For flowers" Alex smirks_

" _smartass….you know what I mean…"_

 _Alex rolls her eyes, removes the headphones from around her neck, throws her book onto the coffee table and wanders to the kitchen. "It's just a vase Piper, toss it, keep it, I don't really care…the only person that ever uses it is you anyway"_

" _Because I like to make your apartment look nice…cheery…more….more…."_

" _Upper East Side?"_

" _No…that isn't what I…..you know what I mean…and why do you have to do that?"_

" _What?" Alex replies, her back to the blonde as she opens the refrigerator door and removes a coke. She snaps the cap off, on the edge of the countertop and takes a swig._

" _Make everything about money…"_

" _Because that's the way the world works" Alex replies matter of factly. "Always has, always will."_

 _Piper shakes her head. "Not us"_

 _Alex doesn't reply, just takes another sip of the coke, savors the bubbles dancing and bursting across her tongue. Piper places the vase on the kitchen top and tugs at Alex's sleeve until she turns to face her. "Not us" she repeats firmer this time._

 _Alex smiles, "it's a nice thought" then she pauses, tilting her head slightly as she examines the vase. The crack isn't as deep as she first thought._

...

" _Can we fix this?" Piper says, staring at the rusted black Corvette._

" _Sure we can…I know a guy, who knows a guy, who….."_

" _Knows a guy?" Piper replies, prodding a front tire with her foot._

" _Something like that" Alex says, a chuckle tumbling from her lips._

 _Piper rolls her eyes. "I thought you didn't have any spare cash?"_

" _It's an investment"_

" _This?!" Piper says, failing to hide her disgust._

" _Why not? You can't see us taking her on the open road….. on an adventure some place…just never ending trees and sky, rolling clouds, summer days, winter nights…." She stops, noticing a strange look on Piper's face, like she's happy…but also something_ _ **more,**_ _something extending far beyond that._

" _What?" she finally asks the blonde._

" _Nothing"_

" _Nothing?"_

" _Well not nothing"_

" _Then what?"_

" _You"_

" _Me?" Alex replies, more than a little confused._

" _Yes you…."_

" _I'm not a fan of riddles"_

 _Piper laughs lightly. "I think we should buy it…."_

" _Really?" Alex says, suddenly a whole lot brighter._

" _Sure, why not" she turns, back towards the vendor, who's been patiently waiting on his front porch, smoking and sipping ice tea._

" _Wait, Pipes" Alex yells after her._

 _She stops and turns back towards the brunette, the backdrop of the sun illuminating her as if she's almost ethereal. And Alex knows right then, that there's no escape. Not really._

" _Yeah?"_

" _What did you mean just now, when you said "you"?_

 _She laughs, it's gentle and bright, almost melodic and it makes something warm flutter in the pit of Alex's stomach._

" _You'll figure it out"_

" _I will?"_

" _Eventually" she grins._

…

Can

We

Fix

This

?

"I don't know" is all Alex can offer in mumbled response.

"So you _are_ still listening". The words rush out so quickly, they almost collide with one another, relief and fear intertwining.

"Yes"

"Are you gonna let me in?

 _Silence_

"Alex?"

She unlatches the door, swings it open and before she can utter another word, Piper has flung her arms around her, burying her face deep into Alex's neck. She smells of the rain, of the earth: _raw._ And without thinking, Alex holds her closer still.

"You're freezing" she says, feeling the blonde's icy cheek against her own flesh.

"I am?" she says pulling back, examining Alex's face in the charcoal shadows. "I didn't even notice"

"You're crazy, you know that?"

"You like crazy"

"Maybe"

"Only maybe?"

"Maybe…."

And they could stand here all night, Alex thinks. Making silly quips, holding each other, pretending there isn't a rupture running straight through the core of them. But she can't. Not now, not tonight. So she frees herself from Piper's arms, wanders over to the window and stares out at the dank night beyond. Thinking how easy it would be to disappear into its velvety veil, lost forever. And for some reason, her mind drifts to the song her mother used to sing her, of the Owl and Pussycat that that went to sea.

 _They took some honey, and plenty of money_

Money.

An inescapable truth, even in a nursery rhyme.

 _And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand_

 _They danced by the light of the moon…._

But not all endings can be so sweet.

"Are you gonna explain what's going with us? With you?" Piper finally asks, breaking the frantic silence that is presently cocooning them. "Because I _know_ this isn't just about tonight...why won't you ever just really let go?

"Let go?" Alex repeats. But she's not sure if it's a statement or a question.

"Yes" Piper says. It's barely audible in a room that suddenly seems vast….empty. She sits on the edge of the couch. "When I hold your hand, sometimes it feels as though your counting down the seconds that you can free yourself, remove your fingers, create some _distance_."

Alex knows she's hoping that she will deny this, tell her it's all in her head, but there's no point sweetening the medicine, not now. Not really.

"I think we do what we need to do, to survive". Her response is blunter than intended, her voice carrying flat and cold across the dark of the room, hitting Piper with the force of a tracer bullet.

"What? _That's_ how you view us?"

Alex turns to face her, even though she knows she shouldn't, even though she knows it will hurt too much and as soon as she sees the pain on her contorted face, fists clenched firmly at her sides with the injustice of it all, she knows it was definitely a mistake.

"I can't be who you want me to be Piper…I can't give you what you need.."

"Money?"

"No…not that….not just that….I can't give you _all_ of me, that's what you need isn't it?"

It's a silly question, one that doesn't even need asking, because she already has the answer, but she tosses it out there anyway, an odd sort of bait that she knows Piper will take, because in a strange way she wants to prolong the conversation, keep her here. Otherwise, they're just severed…. _nothing more_ …and she's not sure she can handle that…not just yet…not at this precise moment.

Piper's eyes are like crystal, fragile and beautiful, tainted by the faint sting of tears threatening to spill. "Why can't you just let yourself be happy?"

There's an answer to that, that a shrink could no doubt help her trace, related to an absent father, impoverished childhood laced with bullying. But she doesn't say any of that, because really it all boils down to the same thing. _Fear._

"It makes you weak"

"Being happy?!" the surprise in her voice raises it an octave or two, so much so that it's bordering on shrill.

"Yes. It makes you exposed…someone different….watered down…"

Piper stands, walks over to the brunette, eyes locking, breath catching in the back of her throat, like the release of every word is causing her an almost physical pain. "You don't think different is good? Better?"

"No"

"Why?" she asks, as she takes Alex's hand, interlocking their fingers with ease, because there's no resistance here, there never was and _that's_ what Alex has always struggled to get her head around, what she loves and loathes in equal measure. That there's something so starkly different about the way this girl makes her feel.

"I just can't fit into your world"

"My world?"

"Yes…Polly….and Hamptons trips and…"

"Alex…" she says her name in one, singular, intoxicating breath and it's so mesmerizing, that for a second, Alex has to steady herself. " _You_ are my world, when are you going to understand that? I know this is scary for you. You think I don't freak the fuck out myself about it sometimes? What my mother will say? What wisecrack Cal will come up with. _B_ _ut_ I don't feel like that means i'm becoming something else. That i'm no longer intrinsically me. I just want to _share_ myself…every aspect…the neurosis…the rambling….every single fucking thing, with _you._ Can't you understand that?"

It's almost a plea, a cry for help and really what she's asking is so simple, so straightforward in fact, Alex is struggling to find a rebuff, one that doesn't make her sound ridiculously childish at least.

"I'm not asking you to change who you are, because I fell in love with it…. _all_ of it, I'm just asking for you to let me share it…let that fear go...and if you can't then…."

She doesn't finish the sentence, she doesn't need to, and so Alex kisses her, as the world drifts around them, blurring in and out of sharp focus.

And just like that, Piper Chapman has her answer.

….

"I can't believe it's been a year since they got married" Piper says, as she wanders over with two drinks, managing to swerve the various groups of inebriated anniversary revelers.

"I can't believe Pete lasted that long" Alex grins taking a glass from her.

"Hey, that's not fair" Piper replies, automatically feeling the need to defend her best friend.

"Oh come on, just look at this place" Alex says pointing to the elaborate decoration of the marquee. Most people don't even spend this much on a wedding, let alone an anniversary celebration.

Piper shrugs, "we all have our things"

"What is this anyway" Alex says, holding up the glass.

Piper laughs

"What?"

"It's Horchata"

"It is?"

"Uh huh…happy anniversary" she whispers.

"You too kid" Alex replies smiling. She takes a sip. It tastes sweeter than she remembers.

…

 _A/N: So that's all folks. For lots of reasons, this was one of my favorite stories to write and I hope that you enjoyed it. Thank you for all your comments, faves and follows and if you want to keep up to date on what I'm writing next, it's best to check in on my tumblr account, where I'm orthodoxspin._


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